cleaning

I am drowning in notebooks, blank pages to fill; I’m thirsting for ideas, I’m parched.

I’ve been cleaning my room some (a noteworthy occasion) and in going through a box from this year found some fragments in a notebook. Since I haven’t written anything of note lately, here are some:

yes, I’ll write about you
if you let me hold your watch
to feel the cool textured metal
against my skin
and yes, I’ll let you see
if you tell me what you’re thinking
when you sit with that look on your face
so yes
I’ll write about you
if you let me borrow your pen
and yes, I’ll read it to you
if you let me peek in your head
and yes, I’ll write about you
if you let me see you
—
That one’s about a friend who’s always seemed kinda enigmatic. He’s a little quiet sometimes. Fun fact: he was sitting next to me in tutorial when I wrote that. Don’t think he noticed.
—
hey
would you let me
remember why
I felt that way?
it’d be hard
just to remember
so don’t worry that I’ll start feeling
again
—
No clue who that one’s about actually, besides presumably an ex, or at least ex-crush.
—
remember what the stars were like that night as seen through the steam rising up from the roofless shower post-beach as the water lent warmth to a chilled body… remember the feel of a hot shower no roof in the cold rain so the drops mixed and the towel was damp before it dried a single inch of skin…
—
That one is actually just about showering in the outdoor shower at my grandparents’ house on Cape Cod. No symbolism. Just showers.

Oh, also, I passed my road test! Hooray.

written on… the 15th?

See this post.
Was too lazy to type it up until now.

—

In which I attempt poetry:
this will be found: end your worries!
can we do that, really?
one ticket – no refunds
that’s no guarantee
but what a statement
end your worries
is it an order? a promise? merely a suggestion?
and which worries? all of them?
what about the ones I’m yet to have?
(keep this coupon)
ladies and gentlemen, lend me your ears!
this fine man exhorts us all to END OUR WORRIES!
yes, you heard it right here
end your worries (no refunds)

—

Not sure about it, really. I like parts, but I’m undecided about how well it all works, or if it’s really finished.

weekend

A weekend full of adventures.

On Friday I visited my high school and had all kinds of fun, then I stayed for this thing called the Illuminarium, which is “a festival of lights” but is basically just a wonderful celebration of the crazy artsyness that is the school. I ran this interactive thing that someone else created for the first one, which was quite popular. I also got to see a bunch of other alumni who were home, which was nice, and all my friends who still go there. I got covered in glow-in-the-dark paint and ran around with glowsticks. Then instead of watching the movie I went for an epic ramble with two guys who were in my writing workshop last year, which was really fun. We walked to this ice cream place, only to get there five minutes after they closed. Quite the walk, but totally worth it even without any ice cream. Of course, I was wearing totally the wrong shoes and my feet got all blister-y, but still. Worth it.

Yesterday I spent five hours representing the camp I work at at our town’s “Discovery Day” street fair thing, painting kid’s faces. My friend who also works there was there, and we had a blast. She even painted a flower on my face. I murdered my knees, though. I was either standing, kneeling in a parking lot, or bent over all funny for the whole five hours, pretty much, and now I’m sore. But the kids loved all the facepaint (and the candy we had) and some of the parents even seemed interested in the brochures. Then in the evening I went to see Star Trek with my family. Sooo good! And it has Simon Pegg, who I love. With a fierce accent.

Today there was much driving around and grocery shopping with my mother, and I got a delicious cappuccino brownie out of it. So yummy. Oh so very yummy.

So, good weekend.

unplug

Today, I actually wrote a whole bunch. The trick was to unplug, apparently. I closed my laptop, sat at my typewriter, listened to some Eluvium, and WROTE. So good. Will edit the stuff and get at least some of it up here at some point.

I don’t know how intentional it is on their part, but I’m still hanging.

Ow.

so I found this on my computer. I still feel it.

from Oct. 13 journal:

and better than wine
if love has a hangover, that’s ages away
I’ve been collecting perfect moments each day

make sure you know
no matter how this will grow

sober, in the sunlight

I fell
who can I tell?
tell the world
tell them all
yes, I did fall

and do I care?
and really
it’s not where
you’re from
that matters so much
as where you’re going

don’t give a fuck
how you grew up

something set this
it’s too perfect for chance
it’s a story to tell

I’m in love
I’m love
you’re love
my love
oh
love

poetry fragments

one day we say
one day we’ll do it all
whatever it is
I’ll swim naked at night
I’ll see Venice
I’ll get published
one day I’ll write that book

one day we say
one day we’ll do anything at all
anything
I’ll get rid of those dead flowers
I’ll wash the dishes
I’ll feel like getting up in the morning
one day I’ll remember to call

—

hey, remember me?
I’m you, you know, from before
hey, remember how you used to feel?
I feel it now
hey, feel it again
listen to this, see
the music takes you back
it always does, doesn’t it?
I knew it would
hey, remember you’re not me anymore
don’t get lost in that feeling
you can stop feeling it now
hello?
you coming back?
step back out of that feeling
are you listening to me anymore?
hello?

—

your brain should be a buzzing symphony
or so I’m told
what is the appeal of raw garlic?
it makes me less hungry
and these boots make me feel like a rockstar, but
what does that signify?
plus all those drunken phone calls and texts
what did they ever accomplish?
nothing
nothing at all

—

All need more work, I think.
Thoughts?

why don’t I write anymore?

The internet is so seductive.

Anyway, I’m home.

The musical was fantastic, especially given some of the circumstances.

Oh Facebook Honesty Box, how you beckon. But on the other hand, you actually got some real information out of me and someone else. Relationship improving information.

MSN + webcam = long distance face-making at someone special. Once he gets his ass to Future Shop, we may start Skyping so we can SAY inane things while making faces, instead of just typing them.

Once you start thinking about being profound, it gets much harder.

I don’t even journal a lot anymore.

This must be fixed.

why I wish it was Tuesday

1. This is an essay weekend. On Tuesday it’ll be done done done.
2. No class on Tuesday.
3. St. Patrick’s day is Tuesday.
4. 2 + 3 = EPIC.

I’m getting good at making money on Gaia.

But my journal is lonely for me.

Must… get… off… internet…

revision dilemma

There is a boy.  Last year, when I started this blog, I was romantically interested in him.  The tag for him to a certain extent reflects this.  Now we are friends, only friends.  I know I decided to not to revise previous posts to reflect the current truth, but what about tags?  It seems odd to tag him in a way that implies (at least to me) romantic interest, but I don’t want to just make up a new tag without changing all the old ones. So do I change the old ones?  Complicating the issue slightly is the fact that he and K. have the same first initial.

Anyway, I originally got onto this topic because I liked something he’d said about Robin:
“Robin had the reputation akin to a Goddess. She is always there; watching, waiting.”
Which I loved, and wanted to quote here.

I do almost feel like she’s still watching me, asking me why I’ve read so little of the Darwin I’m supposed to be reading.

I’ve been drowning my sorrows in Monty Python, junk food, and tea, mainly, because I’m sure she’d worry if I drowned them in anything stronger. (I did have a slightly spiked hot chocolate last night.)

I’ve been wearing this silly little bracelet, too. Just brightly coloured plastic beads – she picked it up one day when we were organizing the costume shop and said something like “this looks like you.”
My friend E. wears a beautiful, simple silver metal bracelet in memory of her friend Haley, and as lovely as something like that would be, the bright plastic found in the theatre somehow seems so much more appropriate for Robin.

two fragments

to remember us like this, and this, and this, and this
our bodies like continents
peninsulas extending
bending
as our plate tectonics lead to continental collision
and our geography undergoes revision
after revision
after revision
converging, and what is emerging?

—–

he tells her stop feeling old
there are still things you haven’t yet done
you never walked barefoot in the cold rain
you never wove on a loom
you never ate quinoa
she tells him stop feeling young
there are so many things you have done

—-

Neither feels done.