thinking morbid thoughts

Stumbled onto the blog of an old friend whose boyfriend died in a car crash on Thanksgiving, so I’m thinking about death and how it affects people.

Words/phrases that disappeared from Sara’s tongue:

-car crash
-collisions
-Nick
-love
-death, dead, die, dying, dead
-Bowdoin (his college)

And she’s not the only friend to be touched by death.

I don’t like death.

I don’t want to die

Not because I’m scared of death per say.  Because the thought of being a corpse grosses me out.  Don’t like the thought of being cremated, either.

My ideal would be to slowly become more insubstantial and transparent day by day until I disappear.

Or to become sea foam like the Little Mermaid.

I don’t want to be a yucky dead thing or a pile of ashes or even frozen.

So how do I disappear?