sadness.

I wish this wasn’t the first post in ages, there are so many good things that’ve happened since I last wrote.

The list I was starting in my head after my good friend K. told me to write here again had:
- the first black US President was elected and inaugurated
- I came to Canada for university
- I fell in love with the guy I met the first night of frosh week

But you know what happened?

An absolutely incredible woman died. She was my advisor for a good part of my high school years, and head of the theatre department, where I spent an absurd amount of time. She’s the one who got me to get my shit together on my senior project, she’s the one who helped me grow up. I already missed her, up here over 400 miles away. I’d promised her a longer email a couple of weeks ago, which I never wrote. It was going to be full of things I was so proud to tell her about. I was so excited that I’d get home in time to see the musical, too.

Life sucks, you know?

I think it might be harder for me, too, because I’m alone with this. None of my friends here knew her. There’s one other person in the city (that I know of) who went to my school, and I’m not sure he ever spent time in the theatre department. Not like I did, certainly.

I was talking to a friend last night, and she said: “people can be understanding, but when there’s a death in the family (which the theatre crowd certainly is), you just want to be with your family.” That’s exactly it. I want to hug someone who knows how I feel. I called K. last night, which helps, but I want to be with everyone. I want to choke my way through “Rose” (which we sang before every show) in a group, not alone.

But most of all I want Robin to give me a hug, and that’s never going to happen again.

hugs

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		11
Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		6
Words of Affirmation:		3
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don’t understand our partner’s requirements, or even our own. We all have a “love tank” that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

—–

Doesn’t really surpise me.  I’m a very huggy person.

From my paper journal: “I can talk to him online more easily than in person because online I don’t need to suppress the urge to hug him and never let go.”

Hugs - human contact - a basic food group for me.  When I can’t hug one person, when I lose a previously consistent source of contact, I glom onto someone else . . .

worried . . .

My journal, the paper one, went missing sometime today at school.  That’s a bunch of very personal thoughts and feelings roaming the campus with yes my name attached (not to mention my home address, email address, and phone number).  That’s a worrisome thought.

thinking about news and information . . .

. . . And where I get it. It’s a funky mix. I try to at least skim the paper every morning. Depending on who’s driving my carpool, I might listen to NPR on the way to school. Lifehacker and Consumerist have become pretty much permanent tabs on my computer, and I skim digg sometimes (but that can turn into a huge timesuck). And my family gets about a zillion magazines, which I generally at least glance at: Smithsonian, alumni magazines from Brown and Harvard, Teen Vogue, New Moon, Muse, Mothering . . .
Yes, I read Mothering. Because I actually care about breastfeeding rights, and the disgustingly high rate of planned caesareans, and so forth. And I read Teen Vogue because there’s the part of me that likes the pretty clothes, and as that kind of magazine goes, Teen Vogue is pretty intelligent.
And I listen to one podcast regularly – Nerd News Radio.
And we also all get information from the people we interact with every day.