Workity work.

I love my campers.
Seriously, I want to keep them.
Also, the other counsellors are quite excellent.
OMG TIRED DOOM.

things that are lovely

Los Campesinos! Listen to them now. Go. Do it.
Camp starts next week and for week 1 I’m co-counselling with a very old friend.
I make pretty cakes at my other job.
Arts & Crafts sampler album which I got for FREE.
…Gaia Online. Oops. Addicted.
DRIVER’S LICENSE DRIVER’S LICENSE DRIVER’S LICENSE.
HEHEHE I CAN DRIVE.
Also, Mom’s away next week so I get a car for the whole week.
Orange-flavoured Celsius is actually delicious.
Walgreens had it today.

And two unlovely things:
My room is a mess.
Writer’s block up the wazoo. Prompts, anyone?

God is not the Lincoln Memorial. (My religious beliefs or lack thereof.)

But when I was little that was the picture in my head. A larger-than-life bearded man in a throne of a chair, all white (like clouds). At some point I grew out of that.
My mom is Catholic, my dad is nothing in particular… agnostic maybe? I’ve never interrogated him. Not an official religion anyway.
At some point halfway through the preparation for my Confirmation, I realized that while I did rather like the rituals, I didn’t really believe. I didn’t get up for Communion the next Sunday.
My mom exploded in the car after church.
Then she wanted me to go through with it, “in case I changed my mind later.” I attempted to point out that it wouldn’t have any meaning if I did that, but she said it’d be easier than doing it later. (That wasn’t a very effective argument.) When someone else (someone within the church) made the same point as me, she did listen.
I’m kinda floating in a haze of agnosticism, though I do feel like there’s something, I just don’t know what.
—
Gotta love thoughtdumps.

cleaning

I am drowning in notebooks, blank pages to fill; I’m thirsting for ideas, I’m parched.

I’ve been cleaning my room some (a noteworthy occasion) and in going through a box from this year found some fragments in a notebook. Since I haven’t written anything of note lately, here are some:

yes, I’ll write about you
if you let me hold your watch
to feel the cool textured metal
against my skin
and yes, I’ll let you see
if you tell me what you’re thinking
when you sit with that look on your face
so yes
I’ll write about you
if you let me borrow your pen
and yes, I’ll read it to you
if you let me peek in your head
and yes, I’ll write about you
if you let me see you
—
That one’s about a friend who’s always seemed kinda enigmatic. He’s a little quiet sometimes. Fun fact: he was sitting next to me in tutorial when I wrote that. Don’t think he noticed.
—
hey
would you let me
remember why
I felt that way?
it’d be hard
just to remember
so don’t worry that I’ll start feeling
again
—
No clue who that one’s about actually, besides presumably an ex, or at least ex-crush.
—
remember what the stars were like that night as seen through the steam rising up from the roofless shower post-beach as the water lent warmth to a chilled body… remember the feel of a hot shower no roof in the cold rain so the drops mixed and the towel was damp before it dried a single inch of skin…
—
That one is actually just about showering in the outdoor shower at my grandparents’ house on Cape Cod. No symbolism. Just showers.

Oh, also, I passed my road test! Hooray.

weekend

A weekend full of adventures.

On Friday I visited my high school and had all kinds of fun, then I stayed for this thing called the Illuminarium, which is “a festival of lights” but is basically just a wonderful celebration of the crazy artsyness that is the school. I ran this interactive thing that someone else created for the first one, which was quite popular. I also got to see a bunch of other alumni who were home, which was nice, and all my friends who still go there. I got covered in glow-in-the-dark paint and ran around with glowsticks. Then instead of watching the movie I went for an epic ramble with two guys who were in my writing workshop last year, which was really fun. We walked to this ice cream place, only to get there five minutes after they closed. Quite the walk, but totally worth it even without any ice cream. Of course, I was wearing totally the wrong shoes and my feet got all blister-y, but still. Worth it.

Yesterday I spent five hours representing the camp I work at at our town’s “Discovery Day” street fair thing, painting kid’s faces. My friend who also works there was there, and we had a blast. She even painted a flower on my face. I murdered my knees, though. I was either standing, kneeling in a parking lot, or bent over all funny for the whole five hours, pretty much, and now I’m sore. But the kids loved all the facepaint (and the candy we had) and some of the parents even seemed interested in the brochures. Then in the evening I went to see Star Trek with my family. Sooo good! And it has Simon Pegg, who I love. With a fierce accent.

Today there was much driving around and grocery shopping with my mother, and I got a delicious cappuccino brownie out of it. So yummy. Oh so very yummy.

So, good weekend.

epiphany

I had an epiphany today. When I have a daughter, I’m not going to name her Traffic, or any of the other silly things I’ve always said.

She’s going to be Robin.

unplug

Today, I actually wrote a whole bunch. The trick was to unplug, apparently. I closed my laptop, sat at my typewriter, listened to some Eluvium, and WROTE. So good. Will edit the stuff and get at least some of it up here at some point.

I don’t know how intentional it is on their part, but I’m still hanging.

Ow.

so I found this on my computer. I still feel it.

from Oct. 13 journal:

and better than wine
if love has a hangover, that’s ages away
I’ve been collecting perfect moments each day

make sure you know
no matter how this will grow

sober, in the sunlight

I fell
who can I tell?
tell the world
tell them all
yes, I did fall

and do I care?
and really
it’s not where
you’re from
that matters so much
as where you’re going

don’t give a fuck
how you grew up

something set this
it’s too perfect for chance
it’s a story to tell

I’m in love
I’m love
you’re love
my love
oh
love

a list (style is a throwback to my LJ days)

+ = good
- = bad
~ = mixed/neutral

+ peppermint iced tea
+ gave myself a haircut (+70 indie points!)
- lots of little random boxes to unpack, still
+ have 3 hours to myself
- should work on previously mentioned boxes
~ probably won’t do as much as I should
+ listening to CSS
+ get to make my own dinner tonight
- we really need to go shopping
+ have friends
- not supposed to make plans until my boxes are more unpacked
~ am starting them anyway
+ on break
- almost everyone else is still in school

why don’t I write anymore?

The internet is so seductive.

Anyway, I’m home.

The musical was fantastic, especially given some of the circumstances.

Oh Facebook Honesty Box, how you beckon. But on the other hand, you actually got some real information out of me and someone else. Relationship improving information.

MSN + webcam = long distance face-making at someone special. Once he gets his ass to Future Shop, we may start Skyping so we can SAY inane things while making faces, instead of just typing them.

Once you start thinking about being profound, it gets much harder.

I don’t even journal a lot anymore.

This must be fixed.